Coaching success: It’s about the match, not the model
PAUL HENG
Published Sat, Nov 29, 2025
“GO GET yourself a coach.”
Your boss just told you that you are entitled to work with an executive coach because you have high potential. Perhaps management wants you to be better prepared for greater responsibilities. Or you have just received your 360-degree feedback, and there are some leadership behaviours or perceptions you want to address.
But what exactly are you signing up for? And what is coaching, really?
Today, coaching is typically used for talent development, often reserved for senior-level executives and high-potential employees being geared for greater responsibilities.
At times, coaching is a remedial tool – an intervention when an employee is in imminent danger of career derailment.
“Crucially, coaching is not about changing who you are. It is about changing the impact of your leadership and behaviours to better suit your professional reality.”
A coach is neither a consultant who tells you what to do, nor a mentor who shows you the ropes. They are trained navigators. They help you (the coachee) clarify where you are, where you want to go, how you intend to get there, and why (your motivation). You drive the car, the coach holds the map.
Crucially, coaching is not about changing who you are. It is about changing the impact of your leadership and behaviours to better suit your professional reality.
Beyond the boss’ nudge, there are distinct moments in a career where coaching bridges the gap between potential and performance.
You could be a technical expert transitioning to people management. A naturally conflict-averse manager seeking to be more effective at your job. Or a leader looking to learn and apply effective techniques in performance management.
Coaching can equip these individuals with the requisite skills – and more.
Selecting a coach
So you’ve established that you need (or want) a coach. You turn to an artificial intelligence (AI) chatbot and prompt: “What are the main criteria I should use to shortlist executive coaches?”
The answers will likely include professional certifications, extent of experience, and client testimonials. The AI is right. But its picture is incomplete.
Having been a coach for over two decades, I would like to offer a different perspective. Certifications are the baseline, but success depends on finding the right match. Here are my top three criteria for selecting a coach.
- Personal attributes: Ego vs humility
Unlike consulting, where the expert tells you what they think you should know, coaching is about asking powerful questions that empower you to arrive at solutions.
Coaching is not always about solving problems; it is also about developing a heightened sense of self-awareness, identifying blind spots, or even turning one’s perceived weakness into a strength.
For example: A natural tendency for talking less and listening more also allows one to better appreciate and understand others’ views during team meetings.
Because this process is for you, you cannot afford a coach who is prideful. In coaching, the spotlight is on you, the coachee. A coach who is evidently or subtly looking for self-glorification is a definitive red flag. Coaches leave their ego outside the door. Unlike consulting, where the expert tells you what they think you should know, coaching is about asking powerful questions that empower you to arrive at solutions.
Humility is a virtue here. Coaches should have no need to prove anything to you. If you ask them to tell you about one or two successful coaching assignments, you would want to hear how their work has helped the coachees (the focus).
Better yet, ask about an assignment that did not go quite right. No one is perfect – just as you receive constructive feedback in annual reviews, a coach should be able to reflect on their own development.
- Motivation: Good vs excellent
Ask the prospective coach: “What does it take to be an excellent coach?”
Their answers may allude to the hundreds of people they have worked with, the numerous countries they have visited, or even the high fees they commanded.
While these make for excellent stats, the answer must be: “The difference between a coach and an excellent one is the latter’s genuine desire to help others become better and more successful.”
To be a genuine coach, one must be motivated by the desire to aid others in their leadership or career journey. Of course, professional fees come into play, but motivation comes first.
- Coaching style: Agility vs dogma
There exist many coaching styles. The first model I learnt was GROW – which stands for goal, reality, options, and way forward. It is a valid framework, one of several that coaches use.
Some coaches adhere strictly to the school they were trained in. They may even think that the more complex and sophisticated their model sounds, the better it justifies their fees.
Ideally, a coach uses a portfolio of styles. Every coachee is different; coaches should never box people in or make generalisations.
It’s a good sign if the coach says: “I will have to get to know you better before I can apply a coaching style that suits and benefits you. At times, I may even offer direct advice, if the situation warrants it.”
The bottom line is, coaches must develop their own style – and be ready to tweak that to suit the coachee.
What about AI?
Much has been written about AI eventually replacing the human coach. There are now vendors that offer AI coaching programmes.
Effective coaching relies on an understanding of nuance: body language, choice of words, and the coachee’s personal history. These are important inputs that – at least for now – AI cannot fully synthesise and take into account, unlike a human coach.
Just as I suggested using AI to generate interview questions but not fully rely on them (exercise judgment), you cannot depend on an algorithm to navigate the complexities of human leadership.
Other considerations
The criteria above are not exhaustive. A coach’s personality traits – such as empathy – and their active listening skills matter, too.
As you embark on your journey, remember that it is a partnership. Have a no-holds-barred conversation at the start. And, if the direction feels off or the chemistry doesn’t work, be empowered to terminate the relationship. Success depends on the match.
The writer is an executive coach and the founder of NeXT Career Consulting Group, Asia
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